A Heart of Gold

In the past, I've always fallen for the wrong women.

I used to fall for the unattainable, the emotionally unstable, the users, the manipulators, the liars, the backstabbers.

Perhaps I am being too harsh. However, my past experiences have been nothing but heartache.

I have fallen for women who wanted to use me in some way and I let them. I let them use me because I was afraid to open my eyes and accept the truth. I've had past girlfriends use my naivety against me, who lied to me and then denied it.

I've been mocked for caring too much. I've had my feelings dashed against the wall.

I've tried to save sinking ships only to drown. I thought it was my duty to save those sinking ships. I thought that if I could save her then she would be happy then it would make me happy. My own happiness was not a priority. For that, I am at fault.

They tried to change me and make me deny what I was. They dressed me up and played with my puppet strings, making me dance for them. I let them only because I didn't know better. I thought if I let them play me and make me dance then they'd be happy, and then I'd be happy with them.

I was at fault too, I am sure. I am not completely innocent. But never did I try to manipulate. Never did I lie, never did I use.

But, perhaps being through those gauntlets helped me to realize the gem I had found. Knowing manipulation helped me to realize when I wasn't being manipulated.

My heart of gold is a rare find. My happiness is apparent to all those who meet me. We are hailed as a cute couple. People say we are right for each other.

It's so refreshing to not be jealous, anxious, or worried all the time. A heavy weight has lifted off my heart. It's refreshing not to have to keep my feelings in check.

It's refreshing to fall for the right woman.